Time to say goodbye and focus on the future

Time to say goodbye and focus on the future
Yesterday was a bit of an emotional day, and not just because of a severe lack of Valentine’s Day cards ?

Yesterday I said goodbye to the first house that we lived in as a family. The house where me, my wife and Jude lived for the first 3 years of his life.

Since then my parents have lived there, up until yesterday, when they moved out too. 

So, it’s been part of our lives for nearly 9 years, Jude’s bedroom still the same as it was when he (sort of) slept in there.
I remember watching him in his cot night after night, staring at him in amazement, just like you do with a newborn. Watching him look at the various books placed around the sides, thinking about all the great things he was going to do, the great things he was going to be.

That room reminds me so much of all the hopes and dreams I had for Jude, for my life, and for my family. Life had other plans, and things could not be more different than what I imagined at the time of that photo.

That house also holds memories of all the sleepless nights, the hour after hour of continuous screaming and crying. The confusion I felt, trying to figure out what was wrong with him. Petrified that he was seriously ill, was that why he cried so much?

It’s the house where the word ‘autism’ first came into our lives. The house where there were many tears, many fears, and the start of a journey into the unknown.

There were many happy memories too, from when we lived there, and from when my parents did too. I’ll always hold them close to my heart.

So, whilst I am sad to see it go, and was quite emotional about it yesterday, a part of me is also happy to see the back of it. To escape the reminder of how life just hasn’t turned out the way I thought it would, the way that I wanted it to.
It’s now time to stop looking back and to focus on the future. To focus on the 2 amazing little boys I’m lucky enough to be dad to ❤️